I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
