hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize