My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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