He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
