At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
