I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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