Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
