i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
birth control should be required to get into college
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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