so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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