Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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