i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
