so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
