How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
