i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
