Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
