So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
