I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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