There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
