So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
