I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize