even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
