I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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