I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
