Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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