Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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