Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize