I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize