I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
