We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
