Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
