i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
