someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he thought i was a dude.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
