your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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