There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
