I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
