I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
