Pappa wants mamma naked
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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