Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
