dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
