I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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