did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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