just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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