Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
