I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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