O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
