How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
