i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
