I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
