if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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