At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
