My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I believe in your delicious
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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