great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
