I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
