So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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