my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
