I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
