Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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