It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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