Can i not drive my cunt home
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
