Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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