Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
