Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We need to get me chipped asap
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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