Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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