Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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