He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
