Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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