i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My penis needs a shock collar
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
