could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
