Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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