You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
