I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
