I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
