so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
